“Just Refer Him to Eris in Customer Service”

By Matthew Lees

Last week I took my sons to see “Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief.” They loved it. I loved it, too, although quite not as much as the book. As someone who has always been interested in Greek and Roman mythology — I devoured Edith Hamilton’s “Mythology” and still cherish my copy from high school — I was both pleased and curious in January when my 11 year old son started asking about various Greek gods.

It was because he had recently discovered Rick Riordan’s “Percy Jackson & the Olympians” series. “The Lightning Thief” is the first of five delightful adventure books. The stories take place today, with characters from Greek mythology — gods, demi-gods, heroes, satyrs, centaurs, and other creatures — being part of the fabric of society, with most mortals being largely oblivious to their presence. Riordan wonderfully updates the myths and weaves them into 21st century America culture.

Doing so, he pokes fun at many aspects of modern society. For example, in the second book, “The Sea of Monsters,” there’s an early scene in which Percy is sitting on the beach having a contemplative moment. Who should walk by dressed as a jogger, but Hermes, the god of messengers, travelers, and thieves? He asks if he can join Percy, who says yes, although he isn’t quite sure yet who this odd character is.

Then Hermes takes a call on his cell phone:

“Yeah,” the jogger said. “Listen — I know, but…I don’t care if he is chained to a rock with vultures pecking at his liver, if he doesn’t have a tracking number, we can’t locate his package…A gift to humankind, great…You know how many of those we deliver — Oh, never mind. Listen, just refer him to Eris in customer service. I gotta go.”

Not everyone gets the joke. Eris is the Greek goddess of strife and discord (her Roman name is Discordia). She’s a big-time troublemaker, who’s credited with sowing the seeds that started the Trojan War.

It’s a sad indictment, though a telling one, that Riordan chose Eris to be the customer service rep. Unfortunately, though, it’s not too surprising, since strife is pretty much the rap that customer service professionals get these days. Discord isn’t the rule at all, but that’s the public perception.

So I was thinking about those mythological characters that might be better choices. Here are some candidates who came to mind:

• Harmonia — Goddess of harmony and concord (her Latin name: Concordia).
• Athena — Goddess of wisdom and courage.
• Apollo — The god of light and truth.
• Iris — She was suggested to me by my friend Sam, who knows more about Greek mythology and the Percy Jackson series than just about anyone else I know. Iris is the goddess of the rainbow and messengers. (Come to think of it, maybe she should work in marketing.)
• Argus — A giant with 100 eyes. Think of all the computer monitors and CRM apps he could view simultaneously.
• Thalia — One of the three Graces (her purview is Good Cheer) and the Muse of Comedy, she could handle any customer service issue with a smile…and probably be a lot of fun at office parties.
• Oedipus — Perhaps a strange choice, but stay with me: anyone who can solve the riddle of the Sphinx should be able to handle even the knottiest customer service issue.

If you’re in the customer service business, who would you want customers to associate with your line of work?

At least Riordan didn’t choose Eris’s brother, Ares. He’s the god of war. Perhaps he was too busy managing the mergers and acquisitions team…